DEADWORLD
ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE

    Answer these questions and you'll know if you're ready to deal in a
world over-run by zombies searching for fresh meat...
the kind that is found on your bones.

• What's the best way of killing a zombie?

1. Shooting it in the head.
2. Put it on a high polyunsaturated fat diet.
3. Duh-they’re already dead, you know.

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• If zombies are dead, why do they want to eat humans?

1. To test how full they can get their intestines
2. boredom
3. hungry- they haven’t had anything to eat since 3 days before their funeral wake

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• What do zombies do when they’re not chasing human flesh?

1. play checkers
2. gnaw on each other, that’s why they’re so decomposed
3. watch re-runs of Gilligan’s Island

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• What are a zombie’s biggest turn-ons?

1. A visit to the Weight Watchers clinic (especially new clients)
2. people in wheelchairs (especially those going uphill)
3. comatose patients

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• What are a zombie’s biggest turn-offs?

1. Most beaches in California (way too much silicon replacing flesh)
2. North Dakota (too much land to cover to find anybody)
3. Florida (most sun-tanned skin down there is too tough to gnaw through)

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• What do zombies call each other?

1. Undead Brothers (or sisters, depending)
2. The Un-living
3. unnnggghhhh (I think that’s what they say)

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   uh, don't tell us you're really looking for answers.
   C'mon, did you really take it that seriously?

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